I crave, I want.
I beg, I try.
I need, I know.
I break, I die.
I live this life, and I cannot change what cannot be changed,
but you took from me the only thing that held me together.
I had, I achieve.
I try, I adventure.
I begin, I succeed.
I fail, I support.
I lose, I cry.
The pain welled up inside me, with no escape, no outlet,
and every moment I chipped away you were too busy turning your back.
I drain, I overcome.
I stumble, I fall.
I lay, I surcome.
I flee, I escape.
I forgive, I forget.
And every moment I cry I remember every promise you broke,
for all the lies you told, were a cover for every promise before that.
Eventually everyone will admit the truth,
Before the eyes of God
Confessions tumble in piles of broken dreams.
A vision of devastation,
Captured in a picture of youth,
To row, unhindered, into vapid docturine.
A box filled with toys,
Tells a story of the past.
Black degrades the amity of white.
Hands outstretched,
Turn to cloths of silk on the wind,
Swaying as the dirt splatters is rage.
Defiling holiness, sinning a web of decdeption.
Ingrained helpfulness, not received.
Red alights doors to clouds of metal strucures.
And the empty lie untangles
To tumble into its own broken dream.
Bereft of life,
Emptiness.
Cold, divided, sunken.
Abound me, set me free.
Escape torment,
Clasp torture within fingers decaing to bone.
Full of life, lies and games.
My myth,
Splashed across this windshield of God's.
With the wind behind my whispers,
I ask your forgiveness.
And with my heart torn asunder,
I realise my mistake.
I asked God for the future, you and I could not see.
But with this gale blown behind me,
I see everything.
Is it true that you blame me?
For mistakes I can not see?
But the folly I have made,
Was not what you freed.
You quiver with prediction,
Of a truth untrue.
While I cry myself to sleep,
As reality escapes me.
But I whisper from afar,
And you hear my broken words.
Of a love that now divides me,
Between desire and practicality.
I hold no grudge to you, my love,
I Hold the grudge to me.
Unconsciously,
My mistake to forgive you,
My mistake to believe you,
My mistake to contradict you,
My mistake to relieve you,
My mistake to befriend you,
My mistake to see you,
My mistake to understand,
My mistake...
Just my mistake.
Contain me,
Hold me in a glass jar.
Seal the lid tight.
Cut the air,
Shake me.
Do I die? Do I live?
Did I live?
Is the jar real?
Can I reach beyond the glass?
Do I affect you?
Do I affect anyone?
Will this jar hold me?
All of me? Everything?
How much is there? Of me.
Help me!
I'm stuck in a little jar.
Soundless,
Speechless,
Suffering.
I can't hear you,
and you can't hear me.
We don't affect each other.
We're separate.
I am nothing to you,
Nothing to no-one.
Nothing...
I never lied,
I just never spoke true.
I never cried,
At least not in front of you.
I won't confide,
Because I fear what you'd do.
I've always tried,
But you can't understand;
So you'll never see me through.
All I want is peace.
I crave, I want.
I beg, I try.
I need, I know.
I break, I die.
I live this life, and I cannot change what cannot be changed,
but you took from me the only thing that held me together.
I had, I achieve.
I try, I adventure.
I begin, I succeed.
I fail, I support.
I lose, I cry.
The pain welled up inside me, with no escape, no outlet,
and every moment I chipped away you were too busy turning your back.
I drain, I overcome.
I stumble, I fall.
I lay, I surcome.
I flee, I escape.
I forgive, I forget.
And every moment I cry I remember every promise you broke,
for all the lies you told, were a cover for every promise before that.
Scream... escape,
Flutter, at the edge of my breath,
Twist, pull, tug,
try to be free, I hold you.
You do not escape, not from me.
You belong to me, I will not let you go.
I won't, all my might,
grasping, holding you.
Containing you, being you.
Feeling you, begging you.
Please stay inside, please.
Just a second longer, wait.
Close the door, lock it tight,
take a pillow, wrap it around my face.
You escape finally, surrounding me.
Take it all, let it all go.
I try, some remains, another scream,
building up, biding its time.
It will escape, soon, very soon.
Here it comes.
I cannot stop, they wont stop.
Please stop, just st
Be who you are?
Its a question... or is it?
There's a question mark.
Did you think about it?
I bet you did. I bet you thought hard on it.
If you didn't, then you should.
Who are you?
You must answer that first, before you can...
Be who you are.
I am who I am, but who that is, you will never know.
Know yourself, I dare you.
Test yourself, I dare you.
I dare you to be who you are?
Who?
You?
Are?
Just Be.
I'm stuck,
In moment,
frozen.
Touch me,
Cold as ice,
Ice princess.
Warm me,
Arms held tight,
blood flooding.
Filling me,
Pumping me,
Bursting me.
Spilling over,
Escape my grasp,
bleed to death.
Stuck in limbo,
Stuck again,
Stuck forever,
There is no End.
Little girls, dance.
Innocence swirls around itself,
creating its own illusion.
An illusion looked upon by society as correct.
See the little girl, brown hair, brown eyes.
See her perfect white gown, perfect sash, perfect brow.
See the cuts along her inner arm?
NO! No, you didn't.
Innocence fades and you see them all for that they are.
One if broken,
One is lonely,
One is dropped,
One is forgotten,
One is guilty
One is strange,
One is evil,
she is the cause of it all.
See the red blazing in her eyes.
Two souls encrypt across her heart.
Two differences.
Good has lost the battle, and innocence evaporates.
deprive them, the
Claws around my neck, pulling, pulling.
Dragging, dragging. Tearing me down.
Hold me, wrap me up.
Be me, no, I am me. You are the guard,
I, your prisioner.
You hold all of me, I have no choice now.
I have let go. Given my all.
Thank you, give me purpose.
Please, I thank you.
Let me thank you.
Accept my thank you.
No, don't apologise, you did nothing wrong.
Liar! I did everything wrong.
Its all my fault.
I am yours forever, and you hold a heart you never wanted.
Tear down the middle, divide us.
It seperates us, makes us different from each other.
We are so different now, just because of a label.
Religion, race, sex, sexual orientation, everything.
We are supposed to be praised for individuality,
yet at ever turn we are asked to conform.
Why don't we just look the same, think the same, be the same.
Wouldn't it all be jut so much easier.
But would we be happier?
I know I wouldn't.
Divide me, make me different from you, from me, from everyone.
Even I am not the same as myself.
Can you understand that?
What do you think?
How many times have you wondered why?
How would it feel if you were to die?
How does it feel?
When its real?
When you die
Will others cry
Will they mourn?
When you're torn
Between life and death
without no breath
I wonder if I could know
Just to know which way I'd go
Down below or up above?
Which way will I find most love?
If I don't believe it's true
Can I come back down to you?
But if I die and don't believe
What torture will my soul recieve
All because I would not try
To reach above the heavens and pry
I want to know if its real
Why is it that the coulds conceal
The truth behind their petty lies
What really happens w
Is it too late to show who I am?
To show that it's not just hello then a bam.
Why is it no one can see through the mask,
It's not like its some sort of difficult task.
I've let down my sheild, and you've once seen me,
I vision of who I know I can be.
The worst thing to do was let my mask slip,
Is causes a pain that is worse than a whip.
I cried and I cried, the tears wouldn't stop,
Unfortunately letting my bad-ass mask drop.
You saw who I am, not liking the change,
You told me that who I am made you feel strange.
Why did you like the person I'm really not?
You once saw me, but now its a gift you forgot.
How could you turn and le
Current Residence: The mindless abyss of boredom... Favourite genre of music: Rock, am a Rock Goddess, but specifically Core Metal and Chick Metal. Favourite style of art: abstract (look outside the square...) MP3 player of choice: Ippie, my baby. Shell of choice: I need no shell, I am perfect. Why hide me? Wallpaper of choice: Flyleaf (album cover). Skin of choice: Soft and supple... Favourite cartoon character: Chip from Beauty & the Beast Personal Quote: Hope isn't for those who wait, its what keeps them waiting.
Favourite Visual Artist
My Brother
Favourite Movies
Pride and Prejudice, Blood In Blood Out, Boondock Saints, The Crow, Matrix(All), Empire Records...
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Slipknot, Flyleaf, Caliban, Evan's Blue, the Birthday Massacre, Opeth, HIM, Tool, Dead Poetic..
Favourite Games
The game where I twist your mind until it explodes.
Favourite Gaming Platform
Pools of Jelly
Tools of the Trade
I do not toil like the rest of you mere mortals.
Other Interests
Music, writing, singing, and many other interests best not mentioned where children can read of them
And so it all begins again.
Song which sums my life: Breathe Today - Flyleaf.
So alot has happened in the past two years or so, and sadly enough, I find myself almost exactly where I started. Let the healing begin.
So here's a basic summary of the past two years.
I left you all on that fateful night after the Blackbox gig. And there he was, Sam, Sam, Sam...
To make a long story short, we ended up together, got married eight months ago, and seperated two months ago.
Turns out our entire relationship was a lie. Everything he ever told me was a lie, and I believed it all.
I will never love a man more than I love Sam, I know this for sure.
"Bill... Strange things are afoot at the Circle K..." Ted 'Theodore' Logan, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
What an interesting few weeks... interesting things, indeed.
Well, let's recap the last 24 hours.
I met Scream! -hugs Scream-
We saw Sleight of Hand last night, which was awesome. I'm still buzzed a little from it all.
And guess whom I happened to run into? None other than Sam, odd or what. It wasn't unlikely, since I know how much he loved Sleight of Hand too.
It was so sweet, he came up to me and took our texta (Scream and I had been getting signed - yes us - by the band, and other random people) and he wrote 'Sorry' on my
As you can probably tell, I'm completely hung over.
Its been a while since I've updated this.
I figured I should do it soon.
So... So... News...
Well, yesterday I got invited to be the Student Speaker at my Newstep Graduation next year, and I'm also speaking to the Orientation class next year. I'm pretty stoked about that.
I went pretty awesome in my exams, its not 100%, but beggars can't be choosers.
I should probably explain why I'm hung over. I went out last night with Bec again. We saw the Butterfly Effect. It was pretty awesome. They went nuts. And everyone was like just standing there and nodding, except like two people. One was d